He broke my phone. He tried to rip up my passport.

“We were together for three years. He wasn’t a bad person. He worked hard. He was charismatic. But he was hiding a major drug problem from me. There were violent episodes. He once choked me in a hotel room while we were on vacation. He broke my phone. He tried to rip up my passport. Then on the way home, he dropped to one knee in the airport and asked me to marry him. That was the pattern. We’d get in a huge fight, then after a few days he’d ‘love bomb’ me. 

He’d say that he needed me. And that he’d never get better without me. So I’d take him back, and the cycle would begin all over again. One Monday morning there was a knock on our door. It was my mother, and she told me that my sister had been pulled over by the police. She was battling a drug addiction of her own. They found empty needles all over her car, and my two-year-old nephew Robert was placed into foster care. From that moment on—all I could think about was getting him back. But it was nearly impossible. 

I had to complete an eight-week certification course. I had to rent a two-bedroom apartment in San Francisco, which I couldn't even afford. And everyone living with me had to pass a background check. I knew that my boyfriend had a misdemeanour for domestic violence. So I had to make a decision: him or Robert. And I chose Robert. I officially became his foster parent in October of 2018. Ever since then I’ve been focused on his healing. He can’t verbalize yet. Sometimes he has tantrums and I just need to hold him tight. He’s been through a lot of trauma-- so he needs me. But I needed him too. I’d still be stuck in the cycle if it wasn’t for Robert. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I needed to learn to be alone. I needed to learn that chaos wasn’t normal. 

The last two years haven’t been easy. The whole family is chipping in. My mom is working two jobs to help with rent. Everyone is under a lot of stress. But it’s a lot of peace too. I’m not walking around on eggshells anymore. I’m not terrified of being alone. I’m enjoying my solitude. Last June I got baptized, and I feel like I’m becoming a new person. My life has a purpose now. Robert's adoption went through on January. So I’m officially his mother.”