We eventually called the Doctor and told her our baby girl was gone and she took her from my husband’s arms. (Part 2)

When my daughter was born, after 14 hours in labour, I saw her try hard to take breaths but she couldn’t. I saw how beautiful she was in a few quick seconds before they had to take her to NICU to try to save her life. She was so small but so incredibly beautiful with SO MUCH HAIR!!! For some reason I cannot forget her beautiful head of hair. I truly believed when they took her away, they will come back to me with an apology for doubting my faith and they will realise she was completely healthy. I kept waiting for them to come and give me the update and they eventually did. But contrary to my expectations, they came to tell me just how serious the situation was and how bad it looked. 

They had tried everything but it all seemed to have no effect. They were just going to monitor her for the next few days and see if she improved. I knew when they said this that she was definitely going to improve. I am a believer in the word of God that says where there is life there is hope, so my hope did not wane for a second. Even when the doctor came to call me that her case had deteriorated and I should come and spend some time with her, I thought it was because God needed me to be present for the miracle (lol… like God needs anyone’s help). So I was very excited to go and be with my baby girl. 

I will never forget entering the NICU room and seeing all the babies in their incubators and then I saw my baby girl with all types of wires on her while the Doctors were pressing her chest because her heart had stopped. She was so small and they could only use a few fingers to administer CPR and even then I knew she was going to be just fine. God waited 3 days to bring Lazarus back to life so my baby was definitely going to be fine.

I asked if I could carry her and they said yes. I put her close to my chest, and put my breast on her mouth and tried to make her suck but she just couldn’t because she didn’t have the strength, so I just held her close and talked to her and sang to her. I told her how much I loved her and how much I wanted to be her mum and how much I wanted to take her home with me. I begged God to please save my baby’s life.

I told her to shame the Doctors and Nurses that told me she won’t make it through the night. My husband took pictures of us and I still look at those sometimes. He also took pictures with her and held her close and just enjoyed having his daughter in his arms and I took pictures of them. I saw him become a Dad in the way he carried her and instructed me on carrying her and that was beautiful and comforting because I knew he was a wonderful father. As we spent time with her, the doctor and nurses kept coming to check her pulse and every time it seemed it was harder to find a pulse but that didn’t deter my faith.

Then I got really tired all of a sudden and I could barely keep my eyes open. My husband was holding our daughter and somehow I drifted to sleep. I have no idea how many minutes I had been asleep for but it felt quite long but also quite short. I can’t explain it but I knew it was God who put me to sleep to avoid seeing the actual moment she passed away. When I woke up, my husband was still holding her but I immediately knew that my baby girl had gone home to heaven to be with her ultimate father and creator. 

I asked my husband and he told me she was completely cold and stiff in his hands and I was okay with it. I still cannot explain how I did not run mad and how my heart was so calm. I just accepted it or maybe it was because a part of me still knew God could turn the situation around. We eventually called the Doctor and told her our baby girl was gone and she took her from my husband’s arms. We quietly went back to our room in complete silence; there was just nothing to say.