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“Bruce arrived in New York in late November, 1977. I was glad to be free, but I was still in a tough spot. I had to build a life from scratch. All I had was $100 in small bills, a single pair of clothes, and a brand new name. I moved into a fleabag hotel, and for two weeks I survived on hotdogs and marijuana. Then my money ran out and I started sleeping on the trains. I had to figure out a way to get a foothold in life. I wasn’t even a person. I had no papers, no ID, no nothing. Believe it or not, the first thing I got was a social security number.  I walked up to the window and told the lady a story about losing everything, and she gave me a card. On the spot. I still have it today. Next I got hold of an original birth certificate, scratched out the name, and typed ‘Bruce Sam’ on the line. Then I took it to a print shop and copied it so many times that it didn’t look fake anymore. It didn’t take me long to find a brother at the funeral home who agreed to notarize it. He wouldn’t s...

“We were together for three years. He wasn’t a bad person. He worked hard. He was charismatic. But he was hiding a major drug problem from me. There were violent episodes. He once choked me in a hotel room while we were on vacation. He broke my phone. He tried to rip up my passport. Then on the way home, he dropped to one knee in the airport and asked me to marry him. That was the pattern. We’d get in a huge fight, then after a few days he’d ‘love bomb’ me. He’d say that he needed me.  And that he’d never get better without me. So I’d take him back, and the cycle would begin all over again. One Monday morning there was a knock on our door. It was my mother, and she told me that my sister had been pulled over by the police. She was battling a drug addiction of her own. They found empty needles all over her car, and my two-year-old nephew Robert was placed into foster care. From that moment on—all I could think about was getting him back. But it was nearly impossible. I had to comple...

“My mother was literally a drill sergeant. And my father was Olympic level karate. So between the two of them, there was always someone pushing me to be better. I grew up with this competitive thing inside me that always wanted to be the best. And that carried into adulthood. By the time Meme was born, I was working sixty hour weeks. She was born on a Tuesday, and I was back at work on Thursday.  My husband did everything. I’d come home, give the baby a kiss, then shut the office door. I told myself that I needed to work a little harder—get a little more security-- then later on I could stop and enjoy life. But that time never came. Because each time I reached a goal, I’d increase it a little more. When Meme turned three, I was diagnosed with brain cancer. At the time they told me ten years. We’re on year six right now. All my scans are clear.  The tumour is still there, but it’s not growing. Who knows what will happen. But I do know that without the cancer, my little gir...

“Everything changed for me when someone screamed ‘punk ass’ at the prison captain. He was walking through the parking lot. It was early in the morning, and it was still dark, so he couldn’t see who did it. I was working in the kitchen, so there was no way it could be me. But the captain said that he recognized my voice—and he wrote me up. After that he started picking on me. I tried to keep my head low. But the more I tried to do good, the more I got punished. He wrote me up for all kinds of phony things.  He accused me of stealing a newspaper. He accused me of faking sick. The negative reports kept piling up, until I was one mark away from being sent back up the hill. And that’s when they started putting me on the road. It was the worst job in the prison. They’d call your name before sunrise, and you had to get on this bus. Then they’d drive you all over Raleigh to clean trash off the highways. It was awful. People would be throwing hamburgers and milkshakes at you. And it was alm...

 “I followed those train tracks all the way to Washington DC. And for a minute, it seemed like everything would be alright. My brother lived in the city, so I started sleeping at his place. I enrolled in a new high school. I was going to class. Playing a little basketball. Things were going smooth. But I hadn’t learned my lesson yet. My old ways caught up with me, and I fell in with the wrong group of kids. These guys were robbing banks—and getting away with it.  So I decided to tag along. We’d drive down to North Carolina because those banks had less security. And we got away with it a few times. After every score, we’d hang out on the strip at 14th and T, and act like big timers. We felt like gangsters. I have nobody to blame but myself. I just enjoyed the feeling of having money. But the fun didn’t last for long. Because one of those banks had a silent alarm. And while we were stuffing our bags full of money, the manager pulled the trigger.  The police were waiting for...

 “It was just a normal morning. Almost exactly five years ago. I was making tea in the kitchen. Bruce was still in bed. And we get this knock on the door. I opened it up slowly, and saw the police standing there. At first I wasn’t worried. We had this crazy lady that lived next door, and the police were always checking up on her. So I assumed they had the wrong address. But the moment I opened the door, twelve officers came barging past me.  Some of them had ‘FBI’ written on their jackets. They went straight back to the bedroom, and walked up to Bruce. I heard them ask: ‘What’s your name?’ And he said, ‘Bruce.’ Then they said, ‘No. What’s your real name?’ And I heard him say something real low. And they responded: 'You've had a long run.' That’s when I tried to get into the room. But the officer kept saying: ‘Get back, get back. You don’t know who this man is.’ Then they started putting him in handcuffs. It didn’t make any sense. I’d been married to Bruce for forty years. H...

My father was a great dad, but an abusive husband  A lady has opened up about her growing up in an abusive environment. “I don’t recall anything good, just the bad ones. Like my dad physically abusing my mum – it wasn’t a palatable experience.” On how it affected her relationship with men, she said: “I was very suspicious of any man that said ‘hello’ to me because I assumed all men were the same. I was traumatised and assumed all men were abusive. It affected my view about men. Growing up, I considered being a Nun, but I came from a Pentecostal and Anglican background. So, l wasn’t even bold enough to discuss that with my parents. Managing the trauma of domestic violence is tough! I never told my friends in school because I was shy and also scared of my dad. My father being an amazing dad also made it harder for me because I felt nobody would believe me. I still wonder how he could have been such a great dad and an abusive husband, but again he whiplashed us a lot; which is also a ...

“I remember noticing at a young age that my mom had two extra stones in her mother’s ring. They were two rubies. And she explained to me that they signified my twin brothers. She told me that she’d given birth to them when she was 22, but was unable to care for them. So she gave them up to another family. I wanted to know more-- but it was a closed adoption. We’d receive photos every few years, and I could see the resemblance, which piqued my curiosity even more. But we had no other information.  We didn’t even know their last name. And my mom was determined not to overstep her boundaries. She’d always say: ‘I’d love to meet them. And I know you would too. But that will have to be their decision.’ So I didn’t push the issue. But in 2017 my mom got very sick with cancer. And during this time a letter arrived from my brothers’ mom. She told us about their lives. Nothing too deep: what schools they went to, vacations they’d been on, stuff like that. And at the end of her letter, she w...

“My dad took his own life when I was fifteen years old. I’m sure it was traumatic for my mom, but she sort of just sucked it up. She’d already experienced a lot of heartbreak in life. She grew up in a dysfunctional household and became a caregiver at a very young age. So she was able to conceal her emotions and focus on supporting me and my brother. I was the good kid. I worked hard in school. I played three sports. And Mom supported me in everything I wanted to try. Not in a pushy way. More of a helpful way.  So much of her life was just driving me places: practice, games, extra lessons. Unfortunately her relationship with my older brother was different. Jacob was defiant. He wouldn’t listen. He had a good heart but he was doing a lot of reckless, scary things. Jacob had been the one who discovered my dad’s body, and I don’t think he ever fully recovered. Five years later he took his own life. When my mom got that phone call, she came into the living room, laid on top of me, and s...

“I was five when he became a person in my world. I didn’t know exactly who he was. I just knew that there was someone around that was making my mother smile. I had to look way up to see him. I’d never met someone so strong. He’d tell me to hold onto his wrist, and he’d lift me into the sky with one hand. He worked at an auto shop, airbrushing designs onto the side of vans. I think he dreamed of being an artist.  But he needed something more stable. So after he decided to marry my mom, he became a cop. He never lost touch with his creative side. He was always building things around the house—making things look fancier than we could afford. He built my first bike from scraps. He encouraged me to read. He encouraged me to write. He loved giving me little assignments. He’d give me a quarter every time I wrote a story. Fifty cents if it was a good one. Whenever I asked a question, he’d make me look it up in the encyclopaedia.   One day he built a little art studio at the back ...

Was born into the family of ten.  Its seem so fun at the beginning knowing you are the only girl among the nine boys of the family; I remembered how protectives my brothers was to me. They hate and wont even allow any boy be, it my course mate at school visit me. I'm always with my parent and my brothers are my friends. And here comes a drama day when one of my Male school class mate visited me at home, one of my brother just returned from Lagos and when he heard " this my friend's voice at the door" He told my other brother that the guy must  not enter the house but unfortunately my brother said why not and as the guy stepped in, my just returnee  brother gave my friend a hot dirty clap and immediately, my two brother started fighting each other. They started exchanging blow and people came and separated them. Oh dear.   I remember how students are assigned to each teachers  to go and work on every Wednesday at either teachers house, farm, or sch...

“My biological mother had three kids at a young age, then dropped us all off with my aunt. It wasn’t even a legal adoption—she just signed a piece of notebook paper. My aunt already had three kids, so it was wild in that house. Summers without air. Winters without heat. I loved her to death. And she tried to keep us clothed and fed, but I can’t say that everything she did was exactly legal. She collected disability for some injury that she never wanted to talk about. And she was a bit of a thief. On the first day of school we’d go to the Salvation Army and switch our old clothes for the ones on the rack. My brothers began to model her behaviour at a very young age. They drank a lot.  They fought a lot. And they stole a lot. The whole town knew about us. On the first day of high school, our principal Mr. Patrick pulled me aside and gave me a stern warning: ‘I know your siblings,’ he said. ‘And I hope you remember that we won’t tolerate the same behaviour from you.’ I was a...

Not many people know my story of becoming deaf. The last 4 months have been like lots of people, the first time in a long time that I have slowed down. During this time of reflection, I realise to embrace who I am I need not be scared about showing or talking about my full journey. So here goes...3 months after Alice was born my husband noticed a difference with my hearing. Shortly after I quickly became diagnosed with cochlear damage & otosclerosis which had led to me falling moderately deaf in one ear and mildly deaf in the other. I was shocked & surprised to be told that this was likely due to my pregnancy hormones. Most likely I would have developed these in later life, but the hormones accelerated it. One of the hardest things to deal with is how it has destroyed my confidence. Returning to work after 13 months maternity leave has its own emotional and physical challenges. Layering on top of this my new disability was additional stress. I love my hearing aids; they allow m...

Growing up I was bullied a lot, which is something only very few people know about. I rarely talk about it, for I’m a pretty private person when it comes down to stuff like that. I was teased for my appearance and the things I liked, for the sound of my voice and the shape of my body. Anonymous comments told me they hoped I’d die of cancer, suicide or anorexia (not that I had anorexia, that was just another ‘joke’ about me being skinny). ‘Nobody wants to fuck a skeleton’ and ‘you really aren’t all that pretty’ were just a few of the regular comments I got. I tried to remember that I was the bigger person, to not let that stuff get to me, but it did. And I wasn’t half as strong and unbothered as I always pretended to be. But I had to keep pretending, knowing they’d abuse any weak spot I’d reveal. I can’t describe how stressful it was to always have to hide my pain and pretend I didn’t care that people I barely knew wished me nothing but the absolute worst. To hear rumours about myself t...

Please Teach young girls to make money, not every day relationship advice (It’s becoming sickening) Chasing after a rich man is not an achievement.. Don’t get me wrong, Having a rich man by your side to support your OBVIOUS hard work is not a sin. But there are some Extremely lazy girls/women who just feel that a man most be a success ticket.. Some women will have £2k  and buy kayamata herbs for £1900 and then still cry economy bad.. Some women who don’t believe in themselves to amount to nothing unless through a man or aphrodisiac  Success seeks success just like we women are attracted to successful men so are men attracted to successful women.. Sisterly leave kayamata herb, Work, Pray and be a BOSS He too can be proud of.. as a human you get to a stage in life, and notice every things becomes meaningless. you even get to some point and you started regretting your some of the thing you did and not so proud of.  No matter your gender! you will do what you are not supposed...

My parents split up when I was seven, so my grandmother was the one stable thing in my life. She’d cook me dinner, tuck me in bed, then put on her nurse’s uniform and go to work. She was already 65 by then, but somehow she’d still find the energy to cook me breakfast when she came home. She understood me. We shared secrets. Both of us tended toward melancholy, and she made me feel OK about that.  We also had similar weaknesses. Oma put everyone else before herself. My grandfather was abusive and abandoned her. But when he got cancer in his old age, she told him: ‘Come back home Joe, I’ll take care of you.’ She nursed him until he died. That’s the kind of person she was. Christmas was always a huge deal for her. It was the main reason she kept working. She’d save up all year for it. Each of her grandkids would get twenty presents, and they’d be stacked to the ceiling.  Unfortunately her health was never great because she smoked her entire life. And when I visited her in Decembe...

We’ve talked about new Mummy’s in lockdown a few times, but I also posted on stories talking to a lot of mum's who have recently had their second or third baby and are finding it really tough at the moment. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It's particularly challenging at the moment because maybe you had hoped that grandparents would be around to support you. That the older siblings would be at school or nursery so you could have time to spend just with your new born and have time to recuperate physically and emotionally yourself.  ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The maternity leave perks of lunches out and box set snuggles just aren't possible at the moment. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Then there's the guilt for feeling that hard done by for not having that. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The underlying anxiety that goes with living through a pandemic. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The emotive question of whether or not you should send your older ones back to childcare settings if that option is available. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It's a ...

This is a question I get asked all the time and like many things in Parenting, there is no definitive answer! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I am certainly not against dummies and they can be a godsend for babies who are particularly sucky and those with sensitive tummies in the early days. If we are talking baby babies, then I prefer to get rid of the dummy in advance of 4 months so that once sleep cycles start to develop more, they don’t pose any issues to baby’s sleep. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Some babies love a dummy and can have a dummy all the way through their first few years and it doesn’t cause any sort of issues for their sleep, other babies have dummies and once it starts to fall out, they can start waking hourly if not more, those are the babies I see lots of! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ As with everything, it seems to be working then that’s great, but if it’s not and you’re experiencing; 1.Frequent night waking 2.Early morning waking 3.Short naps ....then it could be time to get rid! ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The only way to really get ...

Reflux isn’t just about being sick. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Reflux isn’t just a baby who isn’t putting on weight. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ A baby with reflux can still be happy and smiley. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I had three happy, smiley baby boys. Both of them had silent reflux. How did I know? They had disrupted day sleep, were difficult to wind and often had mucus in their nappies amongst a few other symptoms. I was so worried, devastated and anxiously dialling our surgery clinic number and finally, I spoke with my Doctor who now asked for series of symptoms I observed  ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ There are so many signs of reflux, when getting help and support, please don’t be put off in being told your baby would be losing weight or being sick if they had reflux, that’s just not the case. Sometimes sleep is one of the only clues ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Some other reflux signs to look out for (but not limited to this list), are as follows; ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ >difficulty sleeping in the day >unhappy during or after a feed >dislikes the car seat ...

“Drugs are ‘cunning, baffling, and powerful.’ They teach us that in NA. Drugs can change your soul. I’ve seen it happen to so many people. But through twenty years of crack addiction, I always maintained my sense of self. I took so many beatings from drug dealers. I had my skull fractured, my nose broken, I lost an eye.  I was shot twice with a 44 magnum at point blank range. But despite all these afflictions, despite all that darkness, I was able to maintain my sanity and self-respect. I’d never rape anyone. Wouldn’t attack anyone. Would never rob with a gun or a knife. Wouldn’t yell, or scream, or frighten people. That’s not who I was. I never forgot my name. I never forgot my birthday. I used to go to the library, and open the encyclopaedia, and memorize all the muscles and nerves and organs. I wanted to document myself. I could always locate my sternohyoid.  And my thyrohyoid. I’ve always known my human worth. I think so much of that came from my mother. There’s a word cal...